Hornet Soup - and other assorted fiascos

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It's warm outside. I like the clouds. I have brothers and sisters, I think. The feet. You never think about how many feet they have. How they grip at your skin and the hair on your body. How they hold onto you effortlessly. They almost tickle now…. A routine - up, work, home, maybe unwind. A step above a recluse - not a hermit, or a miser. But somebody who found contentment in solitary…. A veritable parade of horror had descended on a small Midwestern town, led by a shambling, laughing, singing fiend playing a flute made of bone. Well, maybe more than a little. Again and again. I should be less surprised.

The one who returns. For the stories. Then laughter. Chilling, inhuman laughter, filling the air from everywhere. Deep inside is a wide chamber that appears to have been used in ancient rituals. Just the one, though, and just enough to keep the basic functions working. No, I didn't think so. For all the talk of you being a mad doctor, your record indicates you've been hesitant to get your hands dirty….

This is Hermes Evaristas, and with me as always is Eupraxia Kassandros. Or rather, she would've been watching the television, had their cable not gotten shut off earlier in the day. He sat on the back porch, enjoying the brisk morning air. Something is spinning in the center of that room, something dark. Bastion of the noble and the brave! Glory be to proud Alexylva! May her mighty banners raise! I told mama not to be worried - that sometimes these things happened. The waves rolled quietly over the warm sand of the beach, occasionally crashing with a low rush of water and spray.

Rain clouds,… A. Occasionally, a loyal agent or staff member receives a small ceremony and a burial on Site 19, but not often. No one was invited. His brother had been born first, but the younger was the stronger of the two. The omen had been marked, but its mark was not for a babe at the breast…. It was a cube. Half an hour there, half an hour back, from the outside.

But it always felt longer when he actually walked the tunnel. He could safely say that he had never been this afraid in his entire life. The events of last twenty minutes buzzed in his head like bees. He had to kill them. Welcome to Night Vale. He hung his jacket on the hook and slipped his shoes off…. The sky was heavy with clouds, the dark grey wetness oozing into everything until nothing was dry. All was formless waste and empty void - The quiet nothing without time or place, the gentle sleep that has no waking.

All was still. Clementine Zairi-Lewitt. Rolls right off the tongue. Dawn hung in misty sheets, curling through tangled forest. Winter bore down on the black stone spires and slave pits and smokestacks of Daevon in a sheet of frozen lead. Smoke blotted out a cold and uncaring sun as the streets flooded with feasting flesh and screaming gristle. The original source has yet to be identified. Crow stood up and walked to the door. The mind crystallized, the web of gold filaments woven into spiraling pathways amidst the fluid blackness, shining spheres beading on the mesh.

Another night spent in the office, surrounded by the Paperwork Himalayas. Its skeleton was plastic and tin, its veins were rubber tubes, its nerves were glass. Connor Gerry was counting gears. No reliable method of containing SCP has been found. Too much contact with other human beings, for one. He was not a fan of it at all. It was the architecture, he thought. You probably should!

Clef ticked another box off on his bucket list. Clef stepped out of the little circle of snow into the scorched dirt and admired his handiwork. Rain poured down the window, as it had for the last six hours. The clock on the wall said Happy birthday to me. The pines stood straight and tall as they had for decades, shadows barring the orange light of the setting sun. He wanted to be able to go to sleep and wake up and have it all be a dream.

Mary-Ann Lewitt sat at the little table in the kitchen, reading her book. We invented fire to scare away the darkness, now we can use the darkness to power our lights. Such a waste of life. This is … awkward. I believe you have the wrong room. November night blustered outside the window, the cold leaking in through the seams of the apartment. God damn it. I advise full mobilization against NERV.

There was a vast silence. Tater tots? Mechanoid Moloch! Moloch the mighty maw! Gnawing Moloch! Sawing Moloch! They covered the walls, the columns, the arched and vaulted ceiling. Scales of silver, lit by a thousand lamps. I think I have some left on the nightstand. He was married. He was a married man, sitting next to his wife, a big smile on his face. This was a thing that had happened. This bike path is hardly unusual: it is roughly twelve miles long, and makes a circuit around a small lake.

They were the firstborn of matter, the sustainers of all Creation. I fear death, and now roam the wilderness. The door remained closed. She frowned, biting her lip, and swiped the card again. Still nothing. The first few days home give rise to oddities. Tabitha Foster knew the feeling well. Pride was black ink in the ledgers. I'm sorry, this is tech support, we don't handle sales. Were I still working at 17 I doubt I'd even notice, but you can't really miss it here in He was given patrol duty, nothing dangerous, but he was still extremely nervous about the entire affair.

Prone in its oily pool, feelers extended, senses probing the surface, it searched. It waited. Beneath him, the city spread endlessly, an ocean of lights and color under the night sky. First thing first, I have absolutely no idea who Dr. Bjornsen is. Perhaps "garden" was a bit too generous a word for it. It was a sorry piece of earth, more mud than soil, much trodden and little tilled. Quite a few dollars, to be honest, I can't believe how well they pay me to sit on my ass in a tower and watch a fence. It's a cheap trick, and not even an original one at that, but it's a way to get attention.

And I need your attention. I need you to hear this. She stared into the cloudy surface of her tea, and tried to remember the song. No one in the Foundation, from the lowliest security guard to the O5 council, could quite explain exactly what was over. Professor Charles Burrows had no choice but to comply. This alone wasn't very unusual, and indeed, the fact that he was seated there didn't cause Matthew any undue concern.

Too long, that much was certain. This cell was small, too small by far. He did not much mind being alone, that was not the issue. Soto was beginning to have second thoughts about the concept of Democracy. Not many of those. Put the patch on a new spot each day to lessen skin irritation. Until a suitable replacement can be appointed, Lieutenant Hammersmith will serve as the interim Director of Project Malleus, under our direct supervision. She was there. There are but a few of us left, and it is good. The desert sprawls from horizon to horizon, where purest white meets twilight red.

It was an odd sensation. Sure, there was pain, incredible, exquisite agony, but that stopped at the surface of things. And everything in between. It was a thing that was not there. It did not exist, at least not on the level of narrative. As the afternoon sun began its descent, the footsteps of the approaching stranger fell upon the quiet village streets as poison leeches into an unguarded well.

The old man woke, and his failures flooded his mind once more. Brother Raymond of Baskerville was trudging his way back from the Achrenite compound, his boots sucking on the mud of the fertile fields surrounding it. Warning: Containment breach ongoing. Remain in your offices. Allow onsite security to recontain escaped SCPs. July 12th, , hours GMT. Marko, testing with SCP is to be halted for the foreseeable future.

MAISON LANCÔME

Purpose: Documentation relating to SCP testing. Subject: Dr. I'm here to talk. You came all the way over to lord your superiority over me? There have been twenty-seven attempts on SCP's life in the past 6 months. All directed by the man who set him free, Dr. He pulled the gun out of the holster and moved towards the steel door in front of him.

A dozen researchers in various technical fields shifted uncomfortably in their seats as Director Foster looked around the conference table. The feeling made him hold her even closer. The moon was hiding behind cloud cover. The complex below him, however, was easy to see. Jeffrey Jacobs put the phone down. He kicked the door open before moving into the hall with his pistol leveled.

The hallway was empty except for the collapsed ceiling. Joe's head bounced off the metal table with a clang. The Man in the Suit behind him cracked his knuckles and walked around the table. Your site's liaison is there to help you do a better job. But why? We haven't heard from central command for decades. They're probably gone. Lost to their own horrors. But because of a girl, we live on. Cimmerian stopped as he reached the Applebee's bar.

His mind raced. The restaurant door was eight and a half meters away. It would take him maybe three — four? Mostly that meant he could walk around in his boxers and watch whatever he wanted. Jacobs, It is with the deepest regret that I write to you today. Your son, Mickey, has been killed in action in the course of his duties under my command.

There was going to be hell to pay. After what he'd done, there could be no other result. He'd always hated that picture. He paused for just for a moment to look down and frown at himself before he kept walking down the hall. Following their recovery, and at Dr.

Jameson looked around nervously at the guards to his right and left. They'd begun escorting him from Dr. Kirkland's office as soon as he signed the evaluation form. The sounds of revelry from the town were distant and constant.

INDICATIONS

This is a safe place. For now. The receptionist is nice. She guides me to Mr. Jackson's Office. I look over my shoulder only three times as I walk down the hallway. Classic rock hits blared faintly in the background, and I flipped my Paranormal Investigations Badge between my fingers. Who they were. They told me they were the Foundation.

That where I was didn't matter. Shards inside my skin, shards inside my head. No, in all seriousness. That's the answer to your question. I don't care. Apathy is stronger body armor than anything else. I've seen people and I've seen monsters. Sometimes, the monsters are more human than the people. Clef frowned. What now? Her office was so very, very much on fire. Between them a set table, two candles flickering futile in the Paris night. Fine wine. Rare kobe ribeyes with truffle saffron sauce…. There was light. Lights blazing to bathe, bugle call.

Ten minutes to the cafeteria. The usual. He slid his feet over the bedside and moved to his dresser. Location's some nowhere town's edge in New York. Sure, it ain't the usual. The lightning always strikes warehouse five. The rain never really seems to hit'cha. Windows up. Engine dead. Vents, shut. In the driver's seat, a crack as the air heats to plasma, as a spark erupts from a finger….

Do you know what you are? Buck sat in front of the sheet of paper. The room he was in, incredibly humid. We know. We all are. He woke up to the Hotel California. There were very few things in Junior's life which were straightforward. The Hotel California was one of them. Brother Ullar's face peers at me from underneath the hood of his robe.

The whole village is here now. I think they are ready for you. Transient wisps of candy apples, pumpkin spice, candyfloss and other sugar-sweet scents waft their way into your padded cell. That you can take no one with you is the only difference. I like… 2. Clank woke suddenly, as he always did, and looked around, blinking. Not just alone for a bit while others are out, or feeling rather isolated at the end of a relationship, but Alone.

Gears, Prof. Four years ago, I was going through training for over-the-road trucking. Tools flew, doors slammed, the walls and floorboards rattled. Through it all, he loosed a stream of profanity so acid it threatened to peel the already faded paint…. I've switched names around for privacy's sake, but I assure you that every bit of this is real. No, a student, actually. Never had much business with doctors. Doris took sick once, went to the doctor. No, really, it is. You say you love, and that you are devoted, that you'd do anything…but what do you do, actually?

Or as hell, one of the two. He'd kicked and screamed to get here, and now he just wanted it to be over. Iceberg wove his way down the hall on a makeshift I. Gears limping alongside. Are we sure we're in the right place? How do we know these aren't just random people waiting for a ride or something? Inches from the fan blades, the pounding breeze doing next to nothing to relieve the searing fire in his flesh.

That bubbling nausea that fills your throat, makes you feel as if you're about to throw up every time you burp or so much as breathe out your mouth. You need a car, preferably something late-model, with a strong body. Newer cars tend to be too light and not do enough damage. Just little scraps of metal, sharpened and placed in a handle, a knife wasn't all that amazing.

He's ok now, if that helps. Not sure if it's really all that creepy…but it's weird as all hell. Kramer looked around inside the car that had been their mobile home the last few weeks. Probably a dog or something. No lights, no noise, even a little chilly in the early spring dusk. Pete Kothkis stood in the entryway, peering in to the house with a slightly confused smile…. Not that family love, or devotion…but real, blind love. I don't think people know how dangerous real, true love is.

Boiling from the massive hole in both the earth and the pipeline, it had blotted out the sun hours ago, and still showed no sign of stopping. What's worse, they're stupid. That is to say, I do not exist here. Here is odd, a vast net that snares and crushes. Yet we follow, and come in droves, willing and not. It calls, somehow. She picked at it idly, once again cursing herself for forgetting the sun screen over the weekend. Original documentation available upon approval. It was a stupid idea, thought up by stupid people, in stupid, safe offices. One of the names in The Foundation that can send staff into convulsions.

The dials, the readouts, everything was screaming, but he noticed none of it. What he noticed was the heat. He was burning. The lake was the color of tea, owing to its past as a logging route. Great banks of long tree trunks would bob and sink, staining the lake. I think we all know the issue at hand. It sealed the passage tight, blocking even light from around its edges.

Ladies and gentlemen, I call this meeting to order. There are no new faces, so I will forgo introductions and proceed directly to business. SCP is a sentient being, albeit a totally alien one. Sitting where my father once sat, working at the same battered, second-hand desk, sifting through the notes black with his nearly indecipherable scrawl. To say the least. I've had to sleep in the car for the last couple days. I'm apparently wanted for questioning in an arson case. Go fucking figure. Saw my face on the news… The place: One of the more shadier of the establishments the city had to offer.

The person: Myself, of course. Interviewer: Dr. Sylvius: Okay, let's begin. I open my eyes to the sight of the sun streaming in through my window. I smile. And what a way to end it too. Another day, another big pile of waste generated by the vast, churning machine that was the faculty and staff of Site Clearance validated…. Welcome, Commander Thaum….

And took the thing away with them. Priscilla allowed her escort to guide her again between the tents that housed them that last night. Manna the power, manna the food, manna the drink, manna the entity and Manna the Entity, manna the authority, manna the respect, manna in the far past, Manna the person. It does not wake me up; I have been awake for almost two hours now.

Dreams are not safe anymore. Her gruff, detached expression remained shielded after a pair of sharp shades. Tell me you are trying to spook me. It was , only 40 minutes until the end of his 6-hour shift. He reached in, scooping some of the murky liquid in his cupped hand. Jacobs stood at the head of the boardroom, advancing through a slideshow as he gave his presentation.

Oh, I'm sure there's some light on in here, some brief glint of afternoon sun through the cellar window or some long-gone child's twinkling discarded toy. Down hallway F, and back around A. The beginning of my summer had practically been completely ruined because of the constant pitter-patter on the window panes.

Caroll pulled into the house's driveway dressed as none other than James Gatz. His younger brother's house was a large house, one with every inch covered in colorful, spooky decor. Hy-Brasil was a fairy country, a country of eternal spring. When it did rain, it was warm and gentle and the fair folk would joyously dance skyclad in it…. He threw out his hands to break his fall against the pale marble floor….

The Darkness was absolute, utterly devoid of so much as a single photon of light…. He didn't usually do deliveries, but their regular driver had called in sick. Oh and by Crunchy I mean Delete last sentence. Aloha Foundation Staff, new and old alike. Ritter waited patiently in quiet, thinly-veiled disgust as His Imperial Majesty Emperor Maximillian the Great greedily shovelled his meal down his cavernous gullet. Warning: Memetic Hazard Detected! The smoke from The Factory Funtime Facility was already so thick it obscured the sun.

Iris sighed slightly at the sound of the senior partner's petulant tone. Gears anymore. Is she a beauty or what? How can I help you to… oh shit. Richard C. You have a disquieting day now. Please read chapters three and four before you come back on Tuesday. Class is dismissed. Miss Fang, could I see you for a moment before you go?

He shifted his weight on the chameleon-cloth pad he'd been laying on for the past thirty-six hours. There was no response. He knocked on the door again. Still no response. Elaine Wicks said. The first is the outer museum, in which a number of relics and memorabilia important to the Coalition are preserved and displayed…. I've got this one," Harken said. Kramer fixed him with a cold, hard gaze from her oscilloscope-green eyes.

Gears typed in a last sentence, clicked the "Send" button, then leaned back in his chair and allowed himself to feel a small amount of satisfaction at a job well done. This is not a request. This is an order," the woman in the mint-green pantsuit said. Its sender had been correct that it could not be opened from the outside, at least, not by them. Iris tried to make sure that she was showered, her bed was made, and her quarters were clean and neat by then.

Five bartenders. You copy? It was supposed to just be a girls' night out…. Adrian groaned and rolled over in bed, reluctantly separating himself from Beats's warmth and softness and scent. Beatrix was leaning over him, a worried expression on her face. His jaw hurt and his teeth tasted like pennies. Her arms and legs rapidly withered into nothingness as her skin hardened into stone. Able passed under the gates of pearl and fire and entered the chamber of the Bloom.

Serial number nine four two—" The butt of the revolver cracked against his jaw, hard. Seventeen minutes. That's how long the world lasts this time. When Dr. Alto Clef has the first suspicion that things are not going as they should be. Think they'll send us in? You couldn't Google it or look it up in the Yellow Pages. The only way to find it was to know that it was there. Clef, SCP number pending. Foreword: This interview took place 24 hours after the Site 17 incident. Gears, interviewer. Clef, interviewee. John Malkovich.

Hey, can I borrow your cat for the weekend? Clef: That is correct. Sure, sure…" "Okay, here it is.

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You're on your own, dear. The voice on the other end of the line was silent. I hope you had a pleasant lunch. Please be seated, and we will resume with the second portion of this seminar. Please have a seat. You will find wine, water, bread, and salt at the back of the room, if you require refreshment. Also coffee and donuts and all the rest of that stuff.

Let's get into it. We're almost done. I just have a few more things to say, and then we'll be able to break for the night. Have a seat. Get a cup of coffee and a muffin. Also, a reminder: the Seminar Rooms are a weapons-free zone. From: ten. Midnight Subject: Dinner? Foundation Janitor Dan Manuel absentmindedly listened to the arguing labcoats in the room to his left, swishing his mop nonchalantly. Yes, I think I am the one you've come to see.

I've been expecting you, to be honest. Oh, please. Don't sit there. If you have questions you'd like answered, please submit them via the discussion page…. On the other the proper side of the door, it was an elegant Georgian style paneled door with an elegant entablature. Mann, Lament was handed a remote. I'm just gullible that way. Mother fucking… Open fire!

Cataclysm: Dark Days Ahead pasta for /rlg/

Open fire! It's still coming. Don't shoot it in the head. I… Kimura! Shoot the legs! Shoot the fucking legs! Shin, get the blast doors! The winners are bolded below! I will contain myself to the purely factual. Yes sir. No sir. The squid were factual. I have pictures. First off, we like t'call 'em Bixbies. One, in case somebody accidentally says somethin' in front of a civilian, it don't tip 'em off.

It's funny. I always tell my boys, don't give your life fer the Foundation. Make some other bastard give his. But here I am. Fuckin' hypocrite, that's what I am. It wasn't entirely unheard-of, but these didn't seem controlled. Also not unheard of, but it still made Iris nervous. This used to be Mr. Henderson's job, but then his poop started glowing, and now he was in Cell 14, with Mr. Yeah, I'd say you got the bastard. They don't get much more dead than that. Okay, calm down. You're not gonna get D-Classed. Breathe, kid.

Here's what happened. Kald and Dr. Mann waited in the main chamber of 's new accommodations, sitting in the lush chairs they had arranged for their charge. I am Agent Max Lombardi. I am your instructor, on account that my leg is broken and someone in Personnel hates me. No supplies were meant to arrive. No one was due to go to see the psychologists.

I knew we was in trouble soon as Barnes shot yer daughter. Oh, hey, quit cryin', she'll be fine. He's a lousy shot. Anyway, I'm real sorry about yer dog. They tell you that all the time. You will, though. We're stupid like that. As an anomaly, I choose not to Defy those above me. It is my choice to Be contained. I will never Walk free again. I submit that I must Be imprisoned for my nature. He'd never been in such an elegant club before, and felt terribly out of place. It was indivisible, which was important to his people. Not as special as if he had been a mother as well, of course.

But the people expected great things from him. Mann sat low in the seat, like a student sitting before the principal. He was a tall, lanky man with black hair and beady eyes. It wasn't a scheduled knock, which was a bit worrying, but at least there weren't any explosions this time. I like the way it's just your face with a couple of strings attached.

Okay, that's far enough. Yeah, it's a real piece, so why don't you come along quiet-like? Jesus, in our line o' work, you'd think you'd know better. Whadda I mean? I mean they ain't just fuckin' stories, dipshit. Oh, fine, some of 'em are…. As I step down, I feel you have the right to know. Howdy, sis. I hear that you have a new bf. Transcript of broadcast Close transcript The eyes are the windows to the soul…. Stop trying to get them classified. This is the last of the food flavoring trials. First, she laid out the pristine white cloth napkin and placed the implements upon it.

Walmorgna's Codex of Esoteric Therapeutic Tools pg. Sand and stone don't hold heat long without the sun shining on them, and a few hours past sunset was enough to radiate everything back out into the air. This week was simply business as usual. On Monday I oversaw an operation to examine a strange creature in a young girl's abdomen. It was remarkable. He reached up to his left shoulder and tore off the arm composed of tungsten carbide.

Something about that off-tone, buzzing noise just didn't sit right. The true alchemy, artificial life. I wish I was a strong enough person to have let that just be the end of it. To just…let him die that one time. If wishes were horses, we'd all ride. The Five Aethers are the foundations of practical alchemy, and must always be respected.

Rights sat down curiously, slipping the letter opener out of its little holder, and sliding it through the tape on the seams of the cardboard. Ames sat down across from the two Agents dressed in casual clothes. She let the file in her hands slap down on the table, clicking the reading light on. Tiny nuisances to be destroyed. Eat up aether around your experiments. Easily dispatched with the fulminous aether… -Excerpt, Alchemical Creatures, K. Heads of your fields and all of that. Well, I'm here to tell you that none of that matters. Here, you're just one of the rest. I'm in a dark tunnel, and I hear a noise behind me.

It's quiet, faint. It always draws closer. Shuffle tick tick. Shuffle Tick Tick. We're bringing you in.

Magnus sat in front of an elaborately colored board, across from a confident-looking man. The pregnant silence that followed could have strangled a thesis. All of the signs were there. Magnus sat in his office, leaning back in the office chair. Across from him sat Dr. Kensington, flipping through some comic he'd picked up on his last run to town. Severe rubbed his eyes as he paged in the next employee. This would be the nineteenth individual he had talked to about the incident.

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